I read this on a pregnancy board today. Totally had me in tears. I really describes how I feel now but also how I hope things turn out! Being a mother of two is going to be really strange!
I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.
I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
- Author unknown
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
13 Weeks 5 days - Dr. Check Up
I had a standard check-up at the OBGYN today. The baby's heartbeat was there and strong. I didn't get any complaints about my weight or any other health items. I did find out that because of my pre-ecclampsia last time I will be monitored closely this time. There is a 25% chance of me having pre-ecclampsia with this pregnancy. That's not a crazy high number but it must be higher than the normal pregnancy. The plan right now is for me to complete a 24-hour urine test and have extra blood tests to create a "base line" number....this way if my BP gets worse they have normal blood/urine to test against.
Last pregnancy I started swelling (not a good sign when it comes to pre-ecclampsia) at 20 weeks. I am going to be very interested to see if my body does that again. I think we can all consider the swelling a sign of high blood pressure to come. If I don't swell, and I can wear shoes this time around, I'm going to have a party to celebrate!
My next regular OB appointment will be Feb. 13th. That is the appointment where I will get the script to find out the sex of the baby. I'm SO EXCITED! I was hoping it would be earlier but it's not a big deal. I waited 9 mos for Carly -- I suppose I can wait another few weeks for this little meatball. It looks like we will find out the sex of the baby after Feb. 21st.
Last pregnancy I started swelling (not a good sign when it comes to pre-ecclampsia) at 20 weeks. I am going to be very interested to see if my body does that again. I think we can all consider the swelling a sign of high blood pressure to come. If I don't swell, and I can wear shoes this time around, I'm going to have a party to celebrate!
My next regular OB appointment will be Feb. 13th. That is the appointment where I will get the script to find out the sex of the baby. I'm SO EXCITED! I was hoping it would be earlier but it's not a big deal. I waited 9 mos for Carly -- I suppose I can wait another few weeks for this little meatball. It looks like we will find out the sex of the baby after Feb. 21st.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Week 13 - Low Blood Sugar Again
I'm currently 13 weeks and 2 days today! And I'm mega showing. It's embarassing. I look much farther along that I did before. I don't know what to do about it. I can't suck it in. I can't really hide it with clothes anymore. I'm a little skeptical to wear maternity shirts b/c then I REALLY look pregnant and people are going to laugh at me when they find out I'm still only 13 weeks! I need to just get over it but it all feels a little silly.
Confession! So I had a really scary low blood sugar yesterday at work. It came on SUPER fast and freaked me out pretty bad. I was able to fix it with "real" soda and a snickers bar (not proud of my calorie intake there!) but I must say I was just about 10 minutes from an abulance ride to the ER. I had two scary low blood sugars with Carly. One was exactly this same time during my pregnancy with her. There must be something about my body changes around 13 weeks! I'm not all the worried today since I'm feeling better but I will def bring it up with my doctor on Monday.
This update from babycenter.com
How your baby's growing:
Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin, and her body is starting to catch up with her head — which makes up just a third of her body size now. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries. I could be totally wrong of course but I really feel like we're having another girl. I would be fine with a boy but my brain is tuned in to girl. It's like most days I forget that having a boy is even a possibility! Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce.
How your life's changing:
This is the last week of your first trimester (Sweet Jesus I'm so happy about this little factoid! 1st trimester is THE WORST!), and your risk of miscarriage is now much lower than earlier in pregnancy. Next week marks the beginning of your second trimester, a time of relative comfort for many women who see early pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness and fatigue subside. More good news: Many couples also notice a distinct libido lift around this time. Birth is still months away, but your breasts may have already started making colostrum, the nutrient-rich fluid that feeds your baby for the first few days after birth, before your milk starts to flow
Confession! So I had a really scary low blood sugar yesterday at work. It came on SUPER fast and freaked me out pretty bad. I was able to fix it with "real" soda and a snickers bar (not proud of my calorie intake there!) but I must say I was just about 10 minutes from an abulance ride to the ER. I had two scary low blood sugars with Carly. One was exactly this same time during my pregnancy with her. There must be something about my body changes around 13 weeks! I'm not all the worried today since I'm feeling better but I will def bring it up with my doctor on Monday.
This update from babycenter.com
How your baby's growing:
Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin, and her body is starting to catch up with her head — which makes up just a third of her body size now. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries. I could be totally wrong of course but I really feel like we're having another girl. I would be fine with a boy but my brain is tuned in to girl. It's like most days I forget that having a boy is even a possibility! Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce.
How your life's changing:
This is the last week of your first trimester (Sweet Jesus I'm so happy about this little factoid! 1st trimester is THE WORST!), and your risk of miscarriage is now much lower than earlier in pregnancy. Next week marks the beginning of your second trimester, a time of relative comfort for many women who see early pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness and fatigue subside. More good news: Many couples also notice a distinct libido lift around this time. Birth is still months away, but your breasts may have already started making colostrum, the nutrient-rich fluid that feeds your baby for the first few days after birth, before your milk starts to flow
12 Weeks - Woops!
I totally forgot to post for week 12. I've been a terrible blogger this time around. What's my deal? I think, unfortunately, it's all a little less exciting this time. (Sorry baby #2) I mean, I'm excited to be pregnant but I have other things on my mind too -- like that last baby I had!
I was reading through my old blog yesterday to compare and contrast pregnancies and the thing I noticed most was how involved I was with my last pregnancy! I noted every little change and I was pretty hilarious, if I do say so myself! This time it's old news. I did pick up on some interesting "jokes on you!" kind of stuff in my old blog that I'll likely bring back up on this blog. Gender prediction is one of them. Anyway -- on to Week 12!
This is from www.babycenter.com
How your baby's growing:
The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.
Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.
How your life's changing:
Your uterus has grown to the point wherehealthcare provider can now feel the top of it (the fundus) low in your abdomen, just above your pubic bone. You may already be into maternity clothes, especially if this isn't your first pregnancy. (Yes, I am twice as big this time around. I am definitely in maternity clothes. I look, in my opinion, as if I'm 20 weeks pregnant.) If you're still fairly small and not yet ready for maternity clothes, you've no doubt noticed that your waist is thickening and that you're more comfortable in loose, less restrictive clothing.
You may begin to feel heartburn (also called acid indigestion), a burning sensation that often extends from the bottom of your breastbone to your lower throat. Many women get heartburn for the first time during pregnancy, and those who've previously had bouts of heartburn may find that it gets worse. During pregnancy, the placenta produces a lot of the hormone progesterone, which relaxes the valve that separates the esophagus from the stomach. Particularly when you're lying down, gastric acid can seep back up the pipe, which causes the uncomfortable burning sensation. For many women the problem doesn't begin (or get worse) until later in pregnancy, when your growing uterus starts to push up on your stomach. The discomfort may range from mildly annoying to intense and distracting.
I was reading through my old blog yesterday to compare and contrast pregnancies and the thing I noticed most was how involved I was with my last pregnancy! I noted every little change and I was pretty hilarious, if I do say so myself! This time it's old news. I did pick up on some interesting "jokes on you!" kind of stuff in my old blog that I'll likely bring back up on this blog. Gender prediction is one of them. Anyway -- on to Week 12!
This is from www.babycenter.com
How your baby's growing:
The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.
Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.
How your life's changing:
Your uterus has grown to the point wherehealthcare provider can now feel the top of it (the fundus) low in your abdomen, just above your pubic bone. You may already be into maternity clothes, especially if this isn't your first pregnancy. (Yes, I am twice as big this time around. I am definitely in maternity clothes. I look, in my opinion, as if I'm 20 weeks pregnant.) If you're still fairly small and not yet ready for maternity clothes, you've no doubt noticed that your waist is thickening and that you're more comfortable in loose, less restrictive clothing.
You may begin to feel heartburn (also called acid indigestion), a burning sensation that often extends from the bottom of your breastbone to your lower throat. Many women get heartburn for the first time during pregnancy, and those who've previously had bouts of heartburn may find that it gets worse. During pregnancy, the placenta produces a lot of the hormone progesterone, which relaxes the valve that separates the esophagus from the stomach. Particularly when you're lying down, gastric acid can seep back up the pipe, which causes the uncomfortable burning sensation. For many women the problem doesn't begin (or get worse) until later in pregnancy, when your growing uterus starts to push up on your stomach. The discomfort may range from mildly annoying to intense and distracting.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Vitamin D
OBGYN called today. I looked pretty good on all of my test results taken at my last appointment but lacked in Vitamin D. I need to head to the Pharmacy and buy some over the counter stuff. No biggie! I won't tell you what Eric thought the "D" in Vitamin D really stands for -- nor will I tell you the comment he made about how I can get some more of that "Vitamin D" -- but if you know Eric you can probably guess a little about how the convo went. **rolling eyes**
11 Weeks
The holiays has really helped to pass the time. I have completed my 11th week and now am working on my 12th week. Soon I will be out of the lazy, moody, loooong first trimester and in to the depths of pregnancy! Week 11 had little to report thankfully!
This from babycenter.com:
How your baby's growing:
Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden.
She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.
How your life's changing:
Don't worry if nausea has made it impossible for you to eat a wide variety of healthy foods or if you haven't put on much weight yet (most women gain just 2 to 5 pounds during the first trimester). Your appetite will likely return soon, and you'll start to gain about a pound a week.
Learn which of your symptoms are normal and which are a sign that something might be wrong. You're probably also wondering things like, Can I keep going to dance class? Could the air bags in my car hurt my baby? Which cold medications are safe to take now? Find out what's safe and what's not during pregnancy
This from babycenter.com:
How your baby's growing:
Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden.
She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.
How your life's changing:
Don't worry if nausea has made it impossible for you to eat a wide variety of healthy foods or if you haven't put on much weight yet (most women gain just 2 to 5 pounds during the first trimester). Your appetite will likely return soon, and you'll start to gain about a pound a week.
Learn which of your symptoms are normal and which are a sign that something might be wrong. You're probably also wondering things like, Can I keep going to dance class? Could the air bags in my car hurt my baby? Which cold medications are safe to take now? Find out what's safe and what's not during pregnancy
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